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Copthorne hotel cameron highlands discount code do my capsim round 1 answers 2017 62 war report cnn [Music] I'm gonna talk about the notion of happiness but I'm going to talk about it from the perspective of dealing with death and I'm sorry but this is also a reality in our lives and we all have to face it starting off my story now I was born in Southern California and that's a whole other story or do some other time and a year after the technology that were needed to be exist for me to live I grew up in very happy family environment loved very much until 1967 1967 we were living in the south of in in France and we were on an Easter vacation driving from the south of France back to Paris when we were in a horrible automobile accident before see thoughts existed in the car both my father and mother were thrown from the car it was completely demolished my brother and grandmother were there as well and I an aged 13 to dealt with the police dealt with the hospital people for two days until my uncle Heidi came my uncle Heidi walked into the door and I fainted I did my BA both my mother and father were on the verge of death I prayed God save one of them and he saved my father my mother died aged 38 what did we do then we came back to Turkey my auntie nichette said who had three daughters overall and said I now have five children and what did we do we made a lot of mistakes then we were all heartbroken so I didn't cry so my brother wouldn't cry my brother didn't cry so my grandmother wouldn't be sad my auntie had to deal with all this so my one lesson here is love is very important but also if you have children that are dealing with this he said no one went to psychologists get therapy I think we were wounded many of us for this but life went on we say we prevail we talk about resilience we all have that in us so high school for me was very difficult but luckily at that time was it you had a separate exam and I was a good student so letters of reference my grades and all I got to go to Gaza gee I made two very important decisions when I was in college one that I would be a professor that if I spent the rest of my life in a university I'd be very happy and two I married my college sweetheart wasn't perfect all the time but it was very good we had a wonderful life together there's us getting married Ziya was an electronics engineer and we had been going to UCLA for our masters we then moved up to Silicon Valley where he had a wonderful career became the quintessential Silicon Valley engineer I meanwhile started at Berkeley Berkeley was tough let me tell you when I entered the doctoral poker there were 20 of us three women 17 men but I was very hardworking and things went well past all my exams and then I decided to start a family Belkis is here tonight was born it was the happiest time of my life since I had lost my mother at a young age I wanted very much to be a mother and I wanted to have a career and in my family those were not viewed as mutually they were things you could do together very happy when of August 1st 1983 in the middle of the night we received a phone call and what do you think the middle of the night I've come in from London where my father and brother working I thought it was my father and I remember saying I'm not gonna cry but I'm a and if I do this is part of life as well I remember my first words out of my mouth were not arrow not my only simply it's hard but this is also a life is arrow had passed away unexpectedly and I was brokenhearted I couldn't eat I couldn't drink I couldn't sleep but I had this wonderful little baby girl that I was nursing and so I had to and life went on see and I wanted to have two children so luckily SM was born two years later meanwhile I'm still a doctoral student but I finished my dissertation and graduate I have a lesson here too oh when I was at Berkeley people always came up and said thank you how did you have two children and finish your doctorate no one ever came up to me and ever said how did you complete your doctorate after your beloved brother died this was another lesson I learned we don't like talking about that it's hard to talk about death but we need to it's a reality of life and organizations need to embrace me to help us hopefully in your lives your professional life and your and your personal life will always support it support it but it doesn't always so we need to be there for each other we need to talk about it more then we come to a wonderful period in life I raising these two daughters I love Xia's doing wonderfully in Silicon Valley I love being a professor very fantastic stay July 2003 I'm invited to be Dean at SU bonza I loved it I it was hard it was the first time I had a managerial role the university was very young we had to recruit but for me it was a labor of love I worked very hard non-stop for 10 years I was the longest term dinner Dinah's avanza but fantastic i was by the way viewed as successful this is something I shouldn't be shy and sharing so I had a great career and then when my 10 years was up I was going to take a sabbatical because we were afforded that that I had invitations from Australia Singapore Boston and Zia said this time I'm going to come with you I had time and we were gonna travel I stepped down from the deanship September 1st October 16th was the second day of my round it was my auntie's birthday and Zia didn't feel well we took him to the hospital and I do buy them unfortunately you don't want to get sick during my time everybody's on vacation about 10 days later we find that the Zia has a very terrible cancer and the doctor here who is very but said you you have to take him to the States because it's not a cancer I see very often went back to California she is treated at Stanford the first first appointment we had with the oncologist she says well I have patients that are alive after four to five years and I say how could you know I'm thinking to myself how stingy fortified here's what's that he had the best care because he was operated on by Steve Jobs doctor the best that medicine had but it was too difficult of cancer and Zia passed away so but luckily I had two wonderful daughters I had this incredible extended family and I have the beautiful sea I love so much so life goes on and let me tell you I have I'm blessed to have a happy personality I tend to see the glass half full but let me tell me let me tell you it's not just me I started reading a lot about death and resilience after Xia's passing and I read a great book by you know what a professor you have to have a book and citation a great book by George Bonomo the other side of that of of sadness and George has been researching how people deal with death that his whole career and what he's found is is that the majority of people can deal with it that the most of us we are as human beings we are hard-wired to survive we are hard-wired to survive we can get through even the worst days we can smile and in fact when you're going through bad times if you smile it helps you so I want to tell you smile stay happy hopefully you will not have as we call it turkeys sort of hopefully all the deaths in your life will be in turn but know that it's going to happen and I've tried to be the one on the down note but we can get through it we can get through it together count on your family count on your friends talk about these issues and then in the workplace we need to not pretend it doesn't exist I have one way of thinking about family life and and personal life and professional life is that you hope that they enhance each other I hope that at the end of the work day when you're going home you're happy to be going home and in the morning when you're going to work you're happy to go and work but sometimes something happens on one side something can happen in your workplace that makes family life hard and sometimes things couldn't happen it at home that make the workplace hard we as companies we as managers we as leaders need to understand that we need to give people some support much more than we do historically so that is my my lesson to you if you will for my age I also want to tell you that I smile a lot I think it's a good thing to smile it helps us get through the day the only time when it causes problems is I always have to tell my students don't be fooled by the smile I'm a tough teacher thank you for listening to me [Applause] capstone library app for android Bronx Community College, University Heights, Bronx.