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Write for me the capstone doctrine do my kkr capstone associate salary technical reports and thesis example as soon as that movie started rolling I started ended as soon as the camera stick cut and they were finished I remember how horrible and shattered I felt we could see then the shame and the degradation comes and someone says here's a rag to wipe your face up on the movie set it's absolutely horrible and degrading for women and the background you can hear women throwing up you can hear them crying because it hurts it's absolutely disgusting to work on a movie set it's a totally unregulated industry you walk into a movie set and there's enema boxes all over there's piles of used rags in the corner and that's basically what we're staring at well every man takes his turn you know what women do before they do a scene we'd go outside with other porn actors we lay down lines of meth we take big bottles chug that down and we're ready we're ready to take the abuse in a degradation and then right in the middle of the act when it hurts so bad you bite down on an invisible bullet and you take the pain and you check out what happened to me was any piece of Shelly that was left from prostitution totally died on the set and I became Roxy and I hated my life and I despised my very existence and I cried out to God again get me out of this if you get me out of this cell service mobile life and as you know in the industry we do not there's not we all used condoms and so every single day we live in fear that we're going to catch a sexually no disease or worse HIV everyday we lived on my gosh on my gosh who slept with who and I got burned I caught genital herpes and I thought I was going to die he's absolutely the worst thing is the most shameful I hit dealt with so much shame already this was terrible and I quietly left the porn industry I left the stupid parties we used to have I left the pornographers who took the position of my father told me how great I was all the time you're so good oh there's no girl like you ah all the attention they lavished on the women really I did good oh no there's no girl you're gonna be the next hottest porn star oh you're gonna be big oh you got to hear about this girl yeah I left all that I left all the parties we had or we stayed for hours getting high storing cocaine and having swinger parties and then we walked around ice sculptures and snort mark okay to have whipping parties like three or four in the morning this is the lifestyle of the industry ninety percent of the women in the industry use drugs and alcohol and the men after I cut herpes and left the poorest trace they've all go back to prostitution you know oh my gosh this is terrible and I'll just uh this is my kind of thinking well I'll just have sex between outbreaks and animate and maybe I want to affect anybody sure enough i infect a married couple right away I felt horrible but did that stop me I slept with Hollywood directors actors singers I helped contribute to America's epidemic of herpes 66% of porn actors and actresses are herpes carriers 28% have chlamydia and gonorrhea and 7% of HIV it's a huge problem and what we do is when rapport stars were also prostitutes we fly around the country and sleep with people for lots of money because they're our fans and so we have unprotected sex with them of course and then we spread disease on to them so I believe the adult film industry is a huge contributing factor to sexual transmitted disease in America don't ever let them tell you they're not prostitutes oh yes they are so anyways I'm a prostitute again and I'm I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life now I feel like no man will ever want me and all the sudden I go to bar one night and this pastors done yeah here's me the blonde bimbo you know black totally black card I hated men and this nice sweet guy 22 years old goes hey you want to play pool like yeah whatever I'll plays I'm full you buy me some drinks or something I was all about you got to give me something I want drinks drugs money something and he's actually really sweet me and sidon you want to go out sometime I said I don't date I charge money to date he goes oh whoa oh we're having a bounce was part of me in a stripper yeah right all right you know I looked at him right away wow this would be easy that's an easy 300 bucks Lilly always the guy kept calling me and wanted to go out I kept saying no but for some god reason I said yes and mixed in you know this guy in rear sit in my apartment up to like three in the morning playing checkers getting high on meth he comes over cuz you wanna play checkers but it's like games on like games I play games since I was a kid and the only reason I really went out with him cuz he said he had meth see porn stars love drug dealers we go together but this guy started being really kind of mean he didn't pursue me sexually I didn't understand in fact I told him I thought I was gay so what are you gay or something he does know what's wrong with you I said don't you know what I'm about I'm a call girl I'm a prostitute I do porn he was oh my gosh he felt so sorry for me he saw my house was a total disaster mess nothing was clean I was a total filthy Pig I didn't take care of myself I hadn't even been to the doctor since I had a baby that was only time I ever went doctors from age 18 to 26 I went to the doctors one time I'm gonna go the dentist we don't take care of ourselves the outside of parents looks good well anyways this guy felt really bad for me and he kept saying I'm gonna marry you it's oh no no it's oh we're not getting married yeah I'm gonna marry you I'm gonna take you away from this I said I'm not attracted to you I don't love you I don't want to marry you you don't understand there's so much darkness inside of me that I will die you know I can't I can't do it and then this guy started just sharing God with me we started talking about Jesus one day and it turns out that he went to Christian school his whole life and he loved God but what had happened is his dad had hurt the family who was a pastor who fell from sexual sin and just smashed his whole family so he was in pain too and that's why he turned to drugs so here I am listen this guy pours heart out and I'm like thinking oh my gosh God I was tearing the Bible together just fail this time together and we just knew you know what I'm supposed to marry this guy God's like you're supposed to marry this guy and I said I don't love you I'm not attracted to but I'll do it in anyways we got married on February 14 1995 and I remember thinking this is I don't even have a dress to wear I don't pitch to here and I one of the sake he's with stupid pumps cousin all right I'm here you may be this guy you could you say you like yeah it's um called Iranian alright he can lose pay from he so I could take a break I'm so tired I mean I've been really working hard for eight years I'm tired I was so tired I had already overdosed and drug several times had my stomach pumped slice both wrists try to kill myself to multiple prescription pills nothing I did worked I was very serious about dying it's just God would not let me down so I married this guy well we walk up to the Justice of Peace we just we just were so poor we just walk to the to the City Hall you know and I walk up and I asked a lady how much and she says $35 I said did you say it costs $35 that's how much my first trip cost and I knew it was gone I didn't understand who he's been a human but God had a plan God had a plan Garet lost his job due to drug use so when we got married it was a disaster I was tempted to go back to stripping cuz I'm a survivor and I walked right into a zebu and the Holy Spirit went I don't think so I went back home I said God's not gonna let me walk through those doors like I don't we're gonna do and Gary didn't want me to strip of course anyways and so he joined the army capstone lighting remote manual for money Adelphi University, Garden City.