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Patrick yeah to keep it thank you so I'm glad none of you showed up what's the craic I was so worried I was about to ask all of you for crack um hi everybody thank you so much for coming Wow I wanted to start first by saying thank you so much to the School of Law and Dean Colin Scott for welcoming me here to this beautiful campus and also a big THANK YOU to Rachel Duffy and the Law Society here it looks amazing hotcha Botcha song and then that necklace that's ravishing thank you to the Law Society and all of UCD for offering me this lifetime membership and organizing this entire event I mean it has already been an incredible trip and I'm very grateful also to doug ledin who has been taking us around town making me feel right at home in dublin he literally took us straight to the Guinness Factory I lost my bags I don't even know where we're staying anymore I guess I'd also like to start with an apology for how long it sickened me to get here some of you might remember those of you who are in the first year that I was supposed to come here last year I was invited to come here but my my schedule was packed with a number of other speaking engagements at prestigious law societies all over the planet and and that and I was also informed that your new Sutherland building was painfully delayed so I and I have a very hard and fast rule about only speaking at brand-new facilities but I'm happy it took as long as it did though because it's given me some time to meditate on exactly what I wanted to come here and talk to you guys about today because while the wisdom and the knowledge that I have collected over my many long and successful years in the law has prepared me to speak eloquently and at length on thousands of subjects I really wanted to break new ground here with you cook with you guys today it is tempting as it was to come and I don't know delve into the nuances of say agricultural tariff rate quotas I you know I think that we can agree that that is a subject it's just been talked to death and then I thought I don't know I might recount the years of research I did on the Universal Periodic Review mechanism operated by the United Nations Human Rights Council you know addressing the extent to which this mechanism complements or potentially undermines the pre-existing institutional architecture but I'm sure you guys have read on my books you don't need that you don't need to hear it all over again so truthfully I was stumped I mean this is the UCD Law Society after all one of the largest student organizations on the planet a giant collective of the most brilliant hard-working passionate legal minds in South Dublin you guys deserve the very best you guys deserve the cutting edge of law lectures and and God knows you have had to sit through some pretty boring speakers over the years you know no offense meant to the esteemed and distinguished past auditors of the society but Bill Clinton really a Yale graduate I mean what do you have to say for himself if I were you out there I'd be very careful to not heed the advice of someone whose major life accomplishment was simply being elected president of the United States twice I mean come on yawn or know him Chomsky are you kidding me play school what I mean I know that great speakers are hard to come by but digging around the MIT linguistics department for a massively influential analytic philosopher boring it's a little obvious don't you think a little sad no I wasn't going to let you guys down like that guys Patrick Jay Adams is here for you on a mission of mercy to the University of College Dublin here to provide possibly for the first time in its 105 year old chartered history the kind of accomplished respected globally admired leadership that it deserves so instead of suffering through the exhausting biographies of Nobel Prize winners and world leaders and fathers of modern linguistics I'm here today to say to you my esteemed fellow legal minds of tomorrow my law brethren my brothers and sisters in pursuit of truth justice I can't do this oh I am so sorry um Rachel I'm sorry this is oh god there's so so many of you here Oh oh you guys I'm sorry you guys all signed up for this I don't know you you skip class yet the Black Monday you're all hungover I apologize uh you deserve the truth here this is uh this is hard um I'm gonna have to be honest with you guys I'm I'm not actually a lawyer that that feels really good to say actually I'm I'm so sorry I'm not a lawyer I really I really don't know how this happened I I wanted to go within just not rock the boat but there's been some huge mistake I know reality TV is really popular over here so maybe got some wires crossed but I'm I'm an actor suit suits as a show that's like a photoshoot that's not like a real thing yeah we get we get scripts I play a lawyer on TV guys you know they write scripts for us they're filled with these giant legal words that I have no idea what they mean ever I have to look them all up online I literally have no idea what I'm saying most of the time they cut my hair they put makeup on my face and then they make me act all charming and stuff and talk like a smoke person smart person and quote movies that honestly I haven't even seen those movies I don't know I don't know what Top Gun is I mean I don't want you to get me wrong here I love I love my job it's a it's a great gig they pay me they pay me huge amounts of money to just put on these suits that they then give me for free and then I go and make fun of Gabriel mock and then I make out with Megan Markel that's my job they actually pay me to do those things over and then like break up with everything back together with her and then make out with someone else and good I do that for a living I'm not complaining but now I'm here in front of all of you these like almost lawyers okay and I'm at a loss I mean you guys literally invited an undereducated theatre student here to follow in the footsteps of Bill Clinton you've asked me to be a member of the same club as know'm Chomsky do you understand the only thing we had in common before was like a social security number that's it Leslie Nielsen Martin Sheen sir Christopher Lee Saruman you guys had Saruman here I don't even want to know what kind of terrifying ancient wisdom that guy shared with you and again as much as I want to keep our time together tonight free of controversy there's just no getting around the facts you're law students I'm a fake lawyer suits as a television series I rest my case but tonight standing before you in the shadow of great leaders and great thinkers great laureates and insanely wealthy celebrities and judge Judy's I also freely confess another thing I am honored beyond words to have received this amazing invitation to come here to your College your university your University College Dublin of dublin university college dublin and even under false pretences received this conferral from your lost society because while many have stood before you while many of the people who stood before you had decades upon decades of accomplishments and awards if being a fake lawyer on a television series is what it took to bring me to dublin unmasked myself publicly and get me to a place called Eveleigh gardens later than i am glad i did it i am deeply humbled to receive this unexpected and distinguished conferral from UCD and i will use these newfound legal powers for only good I promise by defending the wrongly accused upholding the rule of law and shaking this piece of paper in front of gabriel mocks face as often as possible guys i thank you so much for this incredible honor and I'm truly touched to be here with you and counted among you all thank you so much write for me capstone project for physical therapy for money St. John Fisher College, Pittsford.