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Capstone park woodlands write for me capstone mine job breakfast club analysis essay -"Saturday Night Live" is coming back this weekend with Sam Rockwell, who we love. -That's true. -He's fun. And you were just named co-head writer. -I'm-- -Congratulations. -Yeah. -Come on. ♪♪♪♪ Come on. -A lot of people didn't know that I was even a writer on the show, 'cause none of my sketches make it to air. [ Laughter ] But apparently now I can. -Exactly. -Yeah. -Now you're co-head writer. -My dream is to put through all of the sketches that they passed on. [ Laughter ] -I wrote some bad stuff. -Yeah, did you have one? -Oh, I had thousands of bad ones. I just had to stop writing. It was always just awful. When it's a bad sketch, it's the worst because you can hear the pages turning. -Yeah, it's brutal. -And people are reading through. -You know there's eight more pages to go. -Yeah. Oh! [ Laughter ] And you're sweating. You're just getting hot. You're like, "ooh. This is crazy." -I once wrote a sketch about the richest black man in New York, Duane Reade. Nobody thought that was funny. [ Laughter ] A lot of-- -Duane Reade. -There's no white Duanes. -Yeah, that's right. No, there is not a white Duane. -No. I wrote a sketch about the first black dude to boo Jackie Robinson. [ Laughter ] -Just wasn't a fan. Just not his fan. -No, yeah, it was a baseball player, but... -Yeah, exactly. -There had to be one. -There's got to be one person. -[ Laughs ] -Is your family psyched that you got this job? -My family's psyched. I think they're more psyched that I have a job... [ Laughter ] ...than the job that it is. They don't know what head writer means. They don't care. -No. They don't care about it? -My brother texts me every Saturday at 11:30 and asks me what am I doing. [ Laughter ] "I'm at work." He's like, "well, when?" I'm like, "it's in the name of the show." -"Saturday Night." -"Saturday Night Live." -I work at night on Saturday. -It's live! -And it's live. [ Laughter ] -It's right there. -That's hilarious. Do they watch the show and critique your performance? -They do. They do. They watch the show all the time. And they have a lot of compliments for Colin. [ Laughter ] They think Colin's great. -They love Colin Jost. -They love Colin Jost. They don't think I'm the funniest person in the family. [ Laughter ] -That's the greatest, really. -"I like the white dude." -Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just had a break. Did you go on vacation or anything? -I just did a show in Atlanta for the national championship. [ Clapping ] -Uh... [ Laughter ] -Literally one person was just clapping, 'cause I was... -You're not getting a ride home. -Yeah. [ Laughter ] -How was that? -It was gre--it was bad. It was bad. -What do you mean? -Well, I performed for the football teams. And there's a lot of restrictions. You can't talk about race. You can't talk -- you can't curse. You can't talk about politics. You can't -- it felt like the lyrics to "Imagine." It was like, "imagine no religion." [ Laughter ] And that's -- that's the j-- And so I had to do jokes about nothing. [ Laughter ] And I did. -And it did not go well? -Not good at all. [ Laughter ] -Really? -Yeah. I was a little insulting, maybe. Yeah, whatever. -What'd you end up doing? -I don't know. You know, I got, I, you know... [ Sighs ] [ Laughter ] They're college kids, so I'm rooting for them, you know? -Of course, yeah, yeah. -But on the other hand, they wasn't laughing at any of my jokes, so then I just got angry. [ Laughter ] I just got so mad. -So now you're hating it? -Yeah. I got -- I was like, "y'all going to be working at car dealerships later." [ Laughter ] I don't know why. -[ Laughs ] I just -- I called all the black players Demetrius and all the white players punters. It was brutal. It was... [ Laughter ] They wasn't laughing! I was upset. They'll be fine. -That's a good joke. That's a good joke. -It was pretty solid, I got to admit. [ Laughter ] -And so, all -- but what'd you do? -So, then -- oh, how about this? After that, I was upset. We went to a Dos "Eq-uis" party. You know the beer, Dos Eq-uis. -Dos Equis. -I say Dos "Eq-uis." [ Laughter ] -Oh. Dos Eq-uis? -When I've never heard a word pronounced, I just say it like my grandmother would say it. [ Laughter ] Dos Equis. -Yeah, Dos Equis. -Okay, Dos Equis. -Yeah, it's like the most interesting man -- -He was there. And I was photobombing him so much 'cause I was upset. I was photobombing him because people were trying to take pictures with him and then they came over and asked me to stop. [ Laughter ] And then they asked me," hey, do you want to take a picture?" And I was like, "sure." So we're taking a picture and I'm like, I'm gonna mess with this guy. And I was like, "hey, man, we're gonna go to the strip club after this if you want to join." And he said, "okay." [ Laughter ] And I'm like -- I guess he's making it up. I didn't really believe it. But then like 20 minutes later, his guy comes over and was like, "hey, Augie wants to go to the strip club." [ Laughter ] -Augie is his name? -I think that's what he said. They had accents. [ Laughter ] I think his name is Augie the same way I think the beer is Dos Equis. -Dos Equis, yeah, yeah. -But no, we -- so, we went to the strip club, me and the most interesting man in the world. [ Laughter ] At an Atlanta strip club at 3 in the morning. -And is he the most interesting man in the world? -Dude, he reconnected a father with his son. It was weird. [ Laughter ] He was amazing. This guy -- -What? [ Applause ] At a strip club? -He was sitting-- we was at the club. This sounds made up, but please, follow me on Instagram. [ Laughter ] I documented it. -Really? -It was awesome. This guy is awesome. He really is interesting. -Wow. [ Laughter ] -He was over there and he was like, "hey, man, that guy is with his son right now." And it was just this old white dude and a young white dude. And I was like, "that's a little racist and presumptuous." [ Laughter ] He said, "I'm-a go talk to 'em." I was like, "don't." [ Laughter ] He walks over there and he starts talking to them. At first, they're very uncomfortable. And then they started laughing. And then they started getting lap dances. -Sounds like the craziest night I've ever even heard of. -And then I lost my credit card at McDonald's. [ Laughter and applause ] -You're doing it right. You're doing it right. You're doing it right. You know that. -I want to write a sketch about that. [ Laughs ] -Yeah, you should write a -- exactly. Do you still do -- would you ever do corporate gigs? -Corporate gigs are hard, because you know, you just -- -You can't say anything. -You can't say anything. Like I did this one gig for this parent company for, like, I think it was, like, Bounty and Febreze and all that stuff. And it had to be super clean, obviously, 'cause it's corporate. [ Laughter ] No pun intended. I'm not that good. [ Rimshot ] [ Laughter ] Damn you. -[ Laughs ] -Nah, it had to be super clean. And also the catch was, you had to say the name of the product in your joke. Now, Jimmy, this infuriated me. -Yeah. -'Cause I was like, there's no way I'm going to ruin my -- so I just said the dirtiest, dirtiest, dirtiest jokes I could think of, and then I ended it with, "and then we had to wipe it up with Bounty." [ Laughter ] And then... [ Cheers and applause ] -That was it. You'll never work with Bounty again. -The crowd loved it. -Yeah, exactly. Michael Che, everybody. how long is a capstone paper for money Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute.